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MUST VS SHOULD

Published on: 03/19/2015) In: MY Feature Story, MY Dating Life
Calanit Story

MUST VS SHOULD

As we start the dating journey together, I want to share a few key ingredients I have learned, which will bring us to Finding Love in Las Vegas.

Through the years I have had great success and failure, but I have always managed to get up due to my clear vision of where I wanted to be. From a young age my father taught me, “A ship always has a course laid out before it heads to the ocean.  The waters may carry the ship to the right, left, off course, but at the end it will find its designated harbor.”

Life can take you through unexpected blows, trust me I know, taking your life way off course.  However, the key is to keep fighting, get back on track and don’t lose your vision!  Sometimes your vision needs to be changed, and that is ok.  Remember to keep dreaming and live your life with Passion.

Living in Las Vegas had been a dream of mine since I was 15. Today it is a dream fulfilled, however there is one dream that eludes me, being married to an amazing man who I have great passionate and desire for and love dearly with all my heart.  

As an entrepreneur I’ve attended countless seminars to grow my business and during those 25+ years, I have learned that before you become a partner, (or search for one), you have to know who “you” are and what makes “you” happy. What you Can and Cannot compromise on. Knowing this will prevent you from dating the wrong man or woman.

The following exercise will assist you in finding your right mate. It may take you hours or even days to complete, but at the end you will have a clear understanding of which mate characteristics you “must have” in order to have a long-term successful relationship.  Please be warned, at times you will be frustrated and scared of your discovery but, trust me, it will be worth your while. 

EXERCISE: Create 3 Columns and Fill:   Title the first column as “Traits and Attributes” that are important to you.  Title the second column, “Should”, and title the third column “Must”.  Fill out the first column, and based on the importance, put an X in column 2 or 3. For Example on my list you will find

  1. Traits and Attributes: NON Smoker
  2. Should:
  3. MUST: X

Traits and Attributes: NON Smoker, for me it is a “MUST”. Even if my ultimate dream guy will ask me out, I will say NO. No compromise. However, If he says “I am willing to quit for you” My answer will be “When you have quit smoking ask me again”

Second Example:

  1. Traits and Attributes: Day Shift Schedule
  2. Should:
  3. MUST: X

Relationship success heavily depends on couples doing things together, and sharing each other’s lives. You often hear, we broke up because we drifted apart, well of course you did, you hardly did things together.   

I work 9pm-6pm Monday thru Friday with weekends off. It is a “MUST” for me to have someone on my schedule.   So I will not date someone who works graveyard for example with the exact opposite schedule of mine. We  would never see each other.

Third Example:

  1. Traits and Attributes: Must love dogs
  2. Should:
  3. MUST: X

I adopted Duffy a year ago, which brought tremendous joy in my life. He is part of my family.   My decision is to be with a guy that must love dogs. I know what you are thinking, well everyone loves dogs… Wrong!   I dated a guy whom I met on Tinder for 6 dates. Great guy who knew I had a dog from day one. Finally came the day that he met Duffy. His first words were “Cute dog but keep him away from me.” I was stunned. My response was, “What???  And his response was, “You can have a dog but I don’t have to be with him”.   That moment I picked up my stuff and left.  Duffy is a major part of my life and it is not negotiable. Again, for others it may be an option, and I respect that, but it was not for me.

This list is not easy to live by!  A few years back I had a dream guy ask me out, successful, good looking and most importantly adored me. As I said No to the date, my stomach was tied up in knots from the stress of saying no to him, but I did it!  Because I knew that eventually we would break up.

Additional Trait / Attributes to consider: Profession, facial hair – clean shaven or beard,  wanting kids, has already kids, food choices, exercise level, location / distance, religion, dependency, education level, activities, life style.

Let me know your list, what have you discovered Info@CalanitAtia.com

THIS is only the beginning!  Future columns

  1. What to answer when you are asked, “Why are you still single”
  2. Setting up your Online Profile
  3. Do and Don’t Online Dating
  4. You made contact online, what happens next?
  5. How to set up a meeting once you like each other
  6. What to do and not to do on first date
  7. First date Conversation
  8. What to do when you don’t like the person you just met
  9. Sex, yes sex. When?
  10. You are both dating online, when do you remove your profile?

After you have completed your list, copy column 1 & 3 to a clean page--KEEP it with you, until it becomes part of you, so next time your passion and desire takes over your body, your brain will be strong enough to say, “STOP!” Don’t pursue this.

This does not mean you cannot date for FUN, but don’t get into too deep, or risk getting hurt. Most importantly, as your life experiences evolve, your list may change, so revisit it often.

Join us at our seminar, where will discuss and explore how to create this list, share ideas and traits, and most importantly how to live with it!

In the meantime, share with me your thoughts, concerns and questions -- don’t go through this dating journey alone, I am here for you!

Calanit Atia info@CalanitAtia.com

@CalanitAtia

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